I wandered the town of Anogeia today. The streets bare minus ancient brick buildings and a few older Greeks. One in which (who couldn’t speak a lick of English) insisted I sit for coffee with him. I had already had my fair share that day, but I didn’t hesitate at the sight of something to do.
I felt like I would enjoy the solitude and sparseness of the town, but when it hit, it curdled in my stomach. Will I make it out alive fear beckoned from down below? People stare here. I don’t think they get many people like me. It makes me want to run for my room. I wonder how I ended up here. In a place where nothing more exists but the small population and the mountain goats that roam the trees amongst the hills. I just finished a multiple-hour meal. It consisted of nothing more than three appetizers, a .5 liter of white wine, free wi-fi and complimentary dessert, but it was at that one place that I felt comfortable, so I ate with care and drank with ease. It was only 3pm.
Now I’m back in the comfort of my room, music playing and a welcoming balcony. Sometimes I can’t believe all of this. This weird year of taking chances. I thought about how I moved out-of-town on three days notice and how when I got back to San Francisco everything felt right for the first time in 6 months. I thought about the relationship I ended from the guy that loved me deeply and how it took a solo trip across the world to finally have a dream that included regret. But also how that same solo trip ignited in me a peace of oneself that I never knew could be. I thought about how today I did yoga in this village, in the mountains of Crete and every time I gave myself permission to stop – I kept going. In my hearts of hearts, I melted and thought about how real self-love can be. Why well aware of the delusion of it all. And of course I thought of how lucky I am to be writing all this with a mythos beer, 1.5 liters of water, an untouched glass of bad wine, a half smoked cigarette and a view that will take all the strings of your heart and pull it up a bit.